The Long-Term Effects of Parental Shouting on Children
- Jacqueline Mary Phillips
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
Parents often raise their voices in moments of frustration or stress, but what happens to children when this becomes a frequent pattern? Shouting may seem like a quick way to grab attention or enforce rules, yet its impact on children’s emotional and mental health can be profound and lasting. Understanding these effects helps caregivers choose more supportive ways to communicate and nurture their children’s growth.
How Shouting Affects Children’s Emotional Development
Children rely on their parents for safety and emotional guidance. When parents shout, it can create an environment of fear and uncertainty. This mental and emotional turmoil interferes with a child’s ability to develop healthy coping skills and self-esteem.
Increased Anxiety and Stress
Frequent shouting triggers the child’s stress response, releasing hormones like cortisol. Over time, this heightened stress can lead to anxiety disorders or difficulty managing emotions.
Lowered Self-Worth
Repeatedly hearing harsh words coupled with unrealistic expectations and criticism can make children feel unworthy or unloved. They may internalise the shouting as a reflection of their value, which damages their confidence.
Difficulty Trusting Others
Yelling and criticising can cause a child to distance themselves from parents or caregivers, instilling a lack of trust in others, particularly those who are supposed to love them, and possibly leading to recurring behavioural patterns as they mature. The child develops a pattern of attracting more criticism and aggressive adult behaviour.
Impact on Behaviour and Social Skills
Shouting does not only affect mental and emotional wellbeing but also influences how children behave and interact with others.
Aggressive or Withdrawn Behaviour
Some children imitate the loud, angry tone and become aggressive themselves, while others may retreat, becoming quiet and isolated to steer clear of conflict. Each instance of a child being shouted at reinforces fear and the perception of an unsafe world.
Poor Communication Skills
Children exposed to shouting may struggle to express their feelings calmly. They might resort to yelling or shutting down instead of discussing problems openly. Children learn to lie to protect themselves telling parents / caregivers what they feel they want to hear to prevent any potential shouting and criticism.
Challenges in School and Peer Relationships
Emotional distress from parental shouting can affect concentration and learning. Social difficulties may arise as children find it hard to navigate group settings or resolve conflicts peacefully.
Long-Term Consequences into Adulthood
The impacts of parents shouting can persist into adulthood, affecting mental and emotional health as well as relationships.
Increased Risk of Mental Health Issues
Adults who experienced frequent shouting as children report higher rates of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Their default emotion is one of fear.
Difficulty Managing Stress and Anger
Without positive role models for handling frustration, these adults may struggle with emotional regulation, often repeating the cycle with their own children.
Relationship Struggles
Trust issues and poor communication skills can lead to challenges in romantic and professional relationships, impacting overall life satisfaction.
Alternatives to Shouting That Support Emotional Well-Being
Parents can create a healthier emotional environment by using communication techniques that encourage respect and understanding, focusing on love rather than fear. Whenever an adult shouts, a child experiences fear, and a parent or caregiver might think their shouting stems from a place of love, attempting desperately to teach or even 'rescue' the child from themselves. In reality, it is the parent who needs saving in this situation.
Use Calm, Clear Language
Speaking in a gentle yet assertive tone encourages children to listen without feeling intimidated. Utilise the SEJ Process and SEJ Consultant Training to manage any difficulty in communicating calmly and constructively.
Set Consistent Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries and understanding of the natural consequences when boundaries are crossed prevent the need for raised voices. When children are emotionally capable and mature enough, involving them in the process of setting rules fosters trust, enhances communication, and builds respect, particularly if the relationship has deteriorated.
It's crucial to recognise that an angry parent cannot establish suitable boundaries, as these will stem from their own unexamined fears. The SEJ Process can assist in questioning these fears.
Practice Active Listening
Showing empathy and attention encourages children to share their feelings and reduces frustration on both sides. You may not agree with each other's perspective but you can have a mutually agreed goal to work towards. It's also worth considering that the child might impart valuable lessons if you're open to listening and reassessing your expectations as a caregiver.
Take Breaks When Needed
Parents feeling overwhelmed can take a short break to engage in the SEJ process, which helps them understand their emotional reactions. This allows them to shift from habitually repeating limiting behaviour patterns to responding more consciously. By delving deeper into self-exploration, they can gain insights into recurring behaviour patterns, which the SEJ refers to as 'cycles of suffering'.
Learn How To Communicate Effectively
Learn to communicate effectively by recognising how your past communication style may have limited you. Becoming a qualified SEJ Consultant equips you with the skills needed to communicate successfully and achieve desired outcomes with people from all walks of life, whether it's your boss or your child. Learn how to navigate complex conversations, tailor your conversations to suit different situations, and build rapport with individuals.
Focus on the positive not the negative
Parents and caregivers often focus on the negative, believing that consistently pointing out a child's shortcomings will encourage change. This method is not effective. Rather, emphasise the child's strengths and offer positive reinforcement. Combine this with asking the child how they perceive the situation; you might be surprised by their insightful thoughts.
Real-Life Example
Consider a family where the mother often raises her voice when her child forgets homework or struggles in school. This leads the child to fear school and feel anxious about making mistakes. Over time, the child's grades suffer, and they become more withdrawn. The mother then starts comparing the child to others or suggests they will never succeed, likening them to someone known who 'ruined' their own life because they did not get the grades they should have. Unknowingly, the parent is envisioning failure for the child, even though the intention is to encourage their success. However, such unconscious actions will only achieve one outcome: the realisation of that vision of failure.
Now consider after understanding the negative effects of shouting, criticising, and holding unrealistic expectations (which often differ from the child's own expectations), the mother begins using calm reminders, positive reinforcement, and actively listens to the child. As the parent becomes more in tune with the child's experiences and questions their own beliefs through the SEJ Process, unrealistic expectations lessen. Consequently, the child's anxiety decreases, their confidence grows, and they become more open in expressing their wants and needs. This demonstrates how altering communication from a foundation of Truth and love, rather than fear, can positively impact emotional and mental well-being and stop repeated cycles of suffering.
Listen to Dr. Kishi's personal journey as both an educator and a parent, where she recounts her heartfelt experiences of 'shouting' at her children and students, and how implementing the SEJ Process transformed her approach to parenting and teaching.
Love Mary x
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