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Writer's pictureJacqueline Mary Phillips

What does a victim mentality do to your mental health and life?

If you are feeling unhappy or pointing fingers at others or external factors for your unhappiness, it indicates that you have not grasped the SEJ Process yet or are still choosing a victim mindset. Mary x


Firstly let's explore what a victim mentality is and how it manifests. A victim mentality is a psychological mindset where someone sees themselves as a victim, even though there may be evidence to support otherwise. It is common for a person with a victim mentality to:

  • Blame others for their problems and feelings

  • Feel out of control, but a need to be in control

  • Not confront problems directly when they arise, they prefer to discuss the issues with others on 'their' side

  • Feel like bad things always happen to them

  • Feel attacked when someone tries to help

  • Filled with self-pitying or feel entitled

  • Have a negative attitude 

  • Get pleasure from feeling bad for themselves 


This post aims to delve into the reasons behind why individuals derive pleasure from a victim consciousness. How this inclination can affect their mental health and even perpetuate their reluctance to let go of a victim mindset, despite claiming otherwise.


An individual with a victim mentality finds pleasure not in their experiences but in sharing their story, seeking attention, creating drama, and a sense of control amidst their distress and sadness. When individuals engage in this behaviour, they tend to seek out equally unconscious individuals to share their grievances with. These people, in return, become angry on their behalf, allowing the original individual to feel a sense of control over the emotions of others.


It is evident that this individual perceives a sense of empowerment and regained control, but in reality, it is a trauma-induced reaction that is no longer beneficial for them or the circumstances. They still struggle to find empowerment during challenging life events, fail to view themselves as equal to others, and have not yet realized their full potential, frequently engaging in self-sabotaging behaviours that perpetuate the cycle of drama.


If you recognise yourself here firstly ensure there is no self-blame. Then, by remaining mindful and observing these behaviours as they arise, while also engaging in the SEJ Process, you will develop a deeper understanding of your True Self. By increasing your awareness of reality, you will distance yourself from seeking false empowerment through an obsolete reaction to trauma.




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