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Writer's pictureMariko Howard-Kishi

How the SEJ supported me as a personal tutor

Updated: Oct 21, 2023



I would like to share with you why I paid for my own training in the SEJ as part of my role as a tutor.


In the beginning, I embarked on the practice of the SEJ to deal with my life situations and circumstances, mainly to do with my relationships, not just with my family or work colleagues but also with students. This is because I am also a personal tutor to about 35 students and a course leader as an educator. The tutor's role is to help students throughout their course with academic and general support. Within the educational setting where I work, we have access to resources to reference in our role as tutors should we need them.


Usually, we have group tutoring sessions with specific themes, such as starting a new academic year, preparing for examinations, and reflecting on performance. Students can make an appointment to see their tutor individually if they wish to discuss any other matters that concern them. I would ask about their concerns and offer guidance and referrals if needed. During these sessions, I realised how much I tell them what they should do, generally giving them advice that I felt they needed. I also realised that I had no training to be an effective and ‘appropriate’ tutor; I was more preoccupied with telling them what I imagined to be of use based on my own academic and life experiences, which at the time I felt was good enough, but it was limited in scope and relevance.


Over the years, I have met many outstanding students from different backgrounds and circumstances, some with challenging personal situations. In some severe cases, I had no idea how to support them, especially if they expressed thoughts about suicide or self-harm. Often, I was more concerned about my ability to fix their issues, busy in my head working them out. Also, I felt inadequate in the right thing to say or do. I wanted to support them in a way that was meaningful to them. But how would I do that?


So, I paid for my own training to be a practitioner of the SEJ and also paid for the CPD courses myself because I saw the value of the SEJ, not just for me but in the ways that I can genuinely support the students not just in tutoring sessions but as an educator in everyday encounters, be it in formal classes or informal chats in corridors or canteens. I wanted to enable the students to find their voices and solutions during the tutor sessions instead of telling them what or how to do that. It would be far more empowering, long-lasting, and relevant than my limited perspective based on my experiences. I do not have experience of suicidal thoughts or self-harm. Still, I appreciate how difficult it must be for them to vocalise that and how important it is for a tutor to respond quickly and compassionately.


Applying the SEJ has enabled me to be an honest, sincere, and authentic tutor, allowing me to understand how to be a personal tutor. Unique to each one of them as individuals, not the off-the-shelf generic responses I used to give. It has allowed me to be humble, open, and compassionate without judgements or prejudices in supporting each student with what is best for them, seeing and hearing from their perspective, not my own. It has enabled me to respond to their individual needs instead of reacting to the situation they are encountering. Sometimes, I don't know what is best, but we can work together to enable them to achieve their goal. Studying the SEJ has allowed me to be a genuinely student-centred tutor. It has given me the tools to walk beside them instead of leading them. Being their tutor is a real privilege and a gift, and I am grateful to the SEJ for showing me how to do that.


Dr M Howard-Kishi


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